Nobody Wants This Quotes (Netflix) – The Funniest Quotes from Morgan, Sasha, Bina, Joanne & Noah

If you’ve watched Nobody Wants This on Netflix, you’ll know it’s packed with sharp, awkward, brutally honest humour — the exact kind that makes perfect greeting cards.

From Morgan’s chaos to Sasha’s dry one-liners, Bina’s blunt honesty, Joanne’s awkward moments and Noah trying to hold it all together… this show delivers.

Here are some of the funniest quotes from Nobody Wants This — and yes, they absolutely 

Morgan Quotes

Morgan (played by Justine Lupe) in Nobody Wants This is known for her chaotic, brutally honest, and often hilarious commentary on relationships and life.

  • I Didn’t Have An Awkward Phase I was always very cool and pretty
  • "Sweetie, you can't fight the ick." — Morgan
  • Tattoos, Thick Neck, Light Criminal Record. That’s Way More Your Type
  • "Justice. Street justice." (Regarding keying a car)
  • The Honeymoon Phase Is Over

Nobody Wants This Morgan Whore Number 2 Birthday Card

Morgan “Tattoos, Thick Neck, Light Criminal Record. That’s Way More Your Type ” Nobody Wants This Birthday Card

Sasha Quotes

Sasha Roklov (Timothy Simons) in Nobody Wants This provides dry, comedic relief, often highlighting the absurdity of relationships and family dynamics. His memorable lines focus on his stagnant marriage, sarcasm toward his sister-in-law Joanne, and banter with Morgan

  • On his marriage: "She'll burn out. Then she'll take a little nap. She's like a puppy".
  • On his demeanor: "Listen, I know I have a thing about me that makes people wanna elbow me in the jaw... My wife says it's just... I'm wearing a wedding ring".
  • On family: "Everything is better when the family's gone, and I'm gonna watch tvvvvv".
  • On home life: "Do you want ice cream? It's really cold... like ice creams supposed to be".

Sasha Roklov Loser Sibling Nobody Wants This Birthday Card

Bina Quotes

  • You're going to turn your whole life upside down for this girl?" 
  • "And I have scissors." (In response to hearing Joanne and Noah are "tied together" 
  • "Get you a man who can do both." 

Bina “Always Bina So Chic” Nobody Wants This Card

In the Netflix series Nobody Wants This, Bina (played by Tovah Feldshuh) is the judgemental, traditional mother of Noah who disapproves of her son’s relationship with a non-Jewish woman. Her quotes focus on protecting Jewish tradition and highlighting the disparity between the characters

Nobody Wants This Bina Birthday Card

Joanne Quotes

Joanne (Kristen Bell) from Netflix’s Nobody Wants This is known for her blunt, funny, and surprisingly vulnerable takes on modern dating and self-worth. Here are some of her most memorable quotes from the series
  • I Told You I Was Trying To Stay Away From Messy
  • You Called Me Your Friend In Front Of The Teens, Whose Opinion I Care About Most
  • Women Are Meant To Experience Big Old Orgasms

  • I’m So Sorry About My Sister, With Whom I Have Since Cut Ties

Nobody Wants This Joanne Whore Number One Birthday Card

Noah Quotes

Noah (Adam Brody) in Nobody Wants This (2025) offers charming, romantic, and occasionally reflective quotes about love, adulthood, and personal growth.

  • "I'm on your side. I can handle you."
  • "It would truly kill me to break your heart."
  • "She said yes, she said yes! We're off the apps."
  • "What matters is gathering with people we care about

Noah Roklov “We’re Off The Apps” Nobody Wants This Card

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